Before you begin reading, I would like to clarify that this play falls under the "Absurdist Theatre", thus it is meant to be increadibly stupid. Enjoy :P

Characters:

ENTHUSIASM: A short enthusiastic girl of average build in her late teens.

LOGIC: A tall man in his early 20’s, who has a serious demeanor that exudes intelligence.

PHILOSOPHY: A man of average height in his late teens whose interests lie in philosophy and the receiving of answers.

PESSIMISM: A boy in his early teens whose ideals consists of hardcore nihilism and the lyrics of any one of Linkin Park’s songs.

We start with Enthusiasm outside of Logic’s bedroom door, ready to burst in, and Logic sleeping in his bed.

Enthusiasm bursts through the door of Logic’s room and begins shaking his sleeping body violently.

Enthusiasm: Logic! Logic! Logic~!!

Logic: What? I’m sleeping go away.

Enthusiasm: You’re not sleeping anymore!

Logic: You’re lying

Enthusiasm: Oh..

Enthusiasm looks a little downcast for a moment but then regains her energy after a moment.

Enthusiasm: I didn’t think I was..

Logic: Well you are, so go away, there’s no point in talking to a sleeping person, they have nothing valid to say anyways.

Enthusiasm: But.. If they have nothing valid to say, then should I listen to what you just said?

Logic: Uhmm yes?

Enthusiasm: Was that a valid answer?

Logic: uhmm.. wait.. err just leave!

Logic throws a pillow at Enthusiasm, she takes it and leaves, quietly pondering how a sleeping person can be so articulate, active and aware.

Enthusiasm gets half way down the hall and Logic gets up and follows her.

Enthusiasm: I thought you were sleeping.

Logic: I am, but I need my pillow back.

Enthusiasm: Why?

Logic: Because I can’t sleep without it!

Enthusiasm: Then how are you sleeping now?

Logic: I’m using my spare.

Logic brandishes a spare pillow.

Enthusiasm: Then why do you need this one?

Logic: Just in case something happens to my spare, that pillow’s my spare for my spare.

Enthusiasm: What happens if you lose this pillow?

Logic: Then I use my spare.

Enthusiasm: What happens if you lose your spare?

Logic: Then I use that pillow.

Enthusiasm: hmm… that’s brilliant!! You certainly are intuitive for a sleeping person! With your system you’ll never wake up!!

Enthusiasm hands him the pillow and Logic returns to his room while Enthusiasm goes into the next room.

Enthusiasm: Philosophy!!

Enthusiasm takes the sleeping Philosophy’s pillow

Enthusiasm: Haha! You are no longer sleeping!

Philosophy: Aren’t I?

Enthusiasm: No, you’re not!!

Philosophy: Why not?

Enthusiasm: Because I have taken your pillow!!

Philosophy: Why did you do something like that

Enthusiasm: So you would wake up!!

Philosophy: And did I wake up?

Enthusiasm: Yes you did!

Philosophy: Cool! But why did you do it?

Enthusiasm: Because something very amazing comes out today and I want everyone to know!!

Philosophy: You’re not going to tell everyone are you?

Enthusiasm: Yes I am!

Philosophy: Everyone in the whole world?

Enthusiasm ponders this for a moment.

Enthusiasm: Hmm… I guess not..

Philosophy: Well if you don’t have enough information for everyone why only give it to certain people?

Enthusiasm: Because you’ll think it’s wonderful, I just know you will!!

Philosophy: How do you know I will?

At this point Pessimism enters.

Pessimism: Don’t bother.. it’s not worth it anyways..

Enthusiasm: Why not? The thing that comes out today is truly delightful indeed!

Pessimism: It’s meaningless, I tell you, he won’t give you a strait answer for anything!! Furthermore, this thing you’re talking about is probably something uselessly pointless.. I’m going to sleep, this talk is without meaning.

Enthusiasm: But if you go back to sleep you’ll miss it!!

Pessimism: I don’t care. I told you, it’s not worthwhile.

Philosophy had been previously watching them interact; he now goes back to sleep as Logic enters.

Logic: Be QUIET!! I’m sleeping!!

Pessimism: What’s the point!!? You’ll have to wake up eventually!!

Logic throws both pillows at Enthusiasm and Pessimism and looks at the pillows in a disappointed manner.

Logic: Now look at what you made me do!! How the hell am I supposed to sleep now?!!

Pessimism: See!! I TOLD you that system was pointless!!

Enthusiasm: Don’t worry all our problems will go away with the new thing that comes out today!!

Logic and Pessimism glance at each other then glance at Enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm: Because today is the day that the internet comes out!!

Philosophy rolls over and looks at the three people.

Philosophy: Oh, I already have one of those, it came out a long time ago

Enthusiasm: What…?

Everyone looks pitifully at Enthusiasm and exits, leaving Enthusiasm alone on the stage.

Enthusiasm looks out the door after they’ve left and picks up a pillow.

Enthusiasm: Philosophy? Can I borrow your internet one day? Maybe today? Maybe? Please..?


END